Anatomy of a Man's Love for a Woman

I mentioned that I have changed little. That is both true and not true. Physically, I am exactly the same as I was when I was born. Not even my fingernails have grown. Mentally, though...well, my attitude is quite different. When I was born, I saw myself as perfect, needing nothing an no one. I was as my creator had wished.

I met a girl. She changed my perspective entirely. I barely noticed it at first. It was just a minor twitch. We spent much time together, and I only felt the twitch when she was away. It grew, though, like some monstrous void in the pit of my stomach.

Something happened. I’m not really sure what it was, but we began to see less and less of each other. We had never been lovers, though I had desperately wanted us to be. The pain was intense when we were separated, and even worse when we were together, because I knew that she would never be mine. She turned to other loves, as did I. The thought of her with someone else is almost too much for me to bear, even to this day. I realized, that I needed her.

For me, this was a hard lesson to learn. I looked around, and began to see others like me, complete on the outside, but lacking in some other, deeper way. My only regret is that I was never able to hold her in my arms and tell her how much I love her.

I met this girl in what you might call my childhood, though that is not quite accurate. It was only a few short years after I was born. The term makes the concept easier to deal with.

This girl changed my life. She made me see things that were in front of me, but hidden from my view. She made me feel, and laugh, and I lost myself in her presence.

I will never go to heaven, as other men shall. I missed my heaven. She was here all along, waiting for me to say hello.